I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
Randomize
