Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
Randomize
