So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
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