You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
be right there i have to get my cape
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
Randomize
