you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
