my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
Randomize
