Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
Randomize
