Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
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