remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
How was Slumdog? Did it pull your heartstrings?
It was entertaining. Better than most other Mexican films.
dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
Randomize
