your thong is hanging out like whoa
xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
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