Soap is not a condiment
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
Randomize
