just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
My boob is missing a layer of skin
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
Randomize
