you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Randomize
