My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
Randomize
