Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
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