So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
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