yes i saw that this morning. it was my mailbox.
I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
Randomize
