I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
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