he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
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