I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
Randomize
