I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
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