After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
I woke up under a house in Key West
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