He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Randomize