we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
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