I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
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