i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
Randomize
