South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Randomize
