i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
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