you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
Randomize
