Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
Randomize
