my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
Randomize