dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
Randomize
