That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
Randomize
