Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
I have peed in a lot of sinks
Randomize
