hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
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