We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
Randomize
