drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
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