So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
Heybabeimwearingurpanties
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
Randomize
