It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
Randomize
