you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
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