so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
Randomize
