shes about as inviting as chlamydia
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
Randomize
