then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
Randomize
