Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
Randomize
