Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
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