i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
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