I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
My feet surprised me
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
Randomize
