so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
Randomize
