So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
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