my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
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