is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
Randomize
