He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
My legs feel like baby dolphins
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
Randomize
