Ikea night.
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Insert tab A into swedish slot B
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
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