Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
Randomize
