We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
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