he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
Randomize