Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
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