im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
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