Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize