I'm going to rape someone's good day.
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
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