Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
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