I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
Randomize
