I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
Randomize
