she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
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