3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
the gays at disneyland are vicious
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
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