Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
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