He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
you are hot. that is all.
who is this?
the delivery driver from silvermine.
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
Randomize
